When I first moved to India, in September, my dad said that he wanted to try out "that new Subway place". I told him I loved their sandwiches and that we should go there sometime. Except, it never worked out for a long time. Something kept coming up.
A few weeks ago, I did manage to take both my parents there. They were, understandably a little anxious about entering a new restaurant but I explained to them how subway works and how you order, the various choices you have etc. Most of this flew over their heads since it was their first time there. So I picked three different sandwiches for the three of us so that if we didn't like our sandwich we could eat one of the other two.
Now, as you read the rest, remember we're in Hyderabad, a Telugu-speaking city.
The manager greets us politely in English "Hello sir, welcome to Subway." I conversed with the manager in English from them on. Midway through the process of making our sandwich, my mom had a doubt about some ingredient and she asked me that question in Telugu. I, in turn, turned to the guy behind the counter and asked the same question in English. He, then, turns to the kitchen and shouts out the same question in Telugu! He gets his response, in Telugu obviously, and turns to me and gives me the answer in English.
Wow, I thought! Why all this song and dance? If he's a Telugu speaker, why can't we just give our order in Telugu instead of maintaining all this facade of being "posh" just because we're in a Subway? Does Subway instruct all its workers to talk in English only in order to justify the price tag? I mention the price tag because later that day my dad asked me why we just spent about Rs. 500 on a meal when we could have had the same meal in a generic restaurant for about Rs. 150, and I didn't have a better answer than "brand value". On another side note, in Chennai, the Subway restaurants have signboards in Tamil, that made me realize that no one has as much regional pride as the Tamilians do!
Coming back to our lunch. We ordered cokes along with our meals. As we sat down to have our meals, I noticed that our cups were only about 80% full. Being as we were in India where they don't allow the customers fill their own drinks or get refills (with good reason I might add!) I was peeved that they didn't have the decency to fill our cups to the brim. So I called the guy and pointed this out. "OK sir, I will fill them." He goes behind the counter and comes back with our drinks. "Here you are sir." I took off the lid and the cup had exactly the same amount of drink as before!!! I was so furious, I burst out laughing. I pointed this out to the guy and he mumbled something like "What can I do sir?"
Subway, this won't do. You've lost my respect.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Kids and drama on local TV stations
Talent shows have sprung up like mushrooms all over the landscape of Telugu TV stations. The don't need a lot of creative input from the producers. All you need to do is build a set, invite some judges and give out a big prize at the end. There are talent shows for singing, for dancing and for a singing/dancing combo where one team member sings and the other dances.
Then, some genius realized that if you make these shows with kids, you'll draw a lot more viewers. The cuteness factor is hard to beat. Everyone's constantly talking about "wow, how well is she singing inspite of being so young" or "wow, how well is he dancing" etc. This change to lower the age of the participants has been so prevalent that it's now hard to find a talent show where you can see any adults participate. That kinda sucks because inspite of the massive talent/age ratio in these kids' shows, the actual talent level isn't that high because, let's face it, they're still kids. But yeah, man these kids are cute!
Another wrinkle to these shows is the drama factor. The judges don't just give their grades after the performance. They'll throw in a "fight" or two. One judge might not agree with the judgement of another judge and he or she will make a big fuss about it. Sometimes they'll even walk out of the stage, right before the end of the episode, only to return back to the show based on some contrived explanation. Or they'll say something mean about the performer and the screen turns black and white as we focus on the shocked performer, only to have the judge say he was kidding and it's smiles everywhere. It's amazing how often they play out these same stunts without fear of "being caught". Doesn't speak too highly of the intelligence of my people, does it?
Then, some genius realized that if you make these shows with kids, you'll draw a lot more viewers. The cuteness factor is hard to beat. Everyone's constantly talking about "wow, how well is she singing inspite of being so young" or "wow, how well is he dancing" etc. This change to lower the age of the participants has been so prevalent that it's now hard to find a talent show where you can see any adults participate. That kinda sucks because inspite of the massive talent/age ratio in these kids' shows, the actual talent level isn't that high because, let's face it, they're still kids. But yeah, man these kids are cute!
Another wrinkle to these shows is the drama factor. The judges don't just give their grades after the performance. They'll throw in a "fight" or two. One judge might not agree with the judgement of another judge and he or she will make a big fuss about it. Sometimes they'll even walk out of the stage, right before the end of the episode, only to return back to the show based on some contrived explanation. Or they'll say something mean about the performer and the screen turns black and white as we focus on the shocked performer, only to have the judge say he was kidding and it's smiles everywhere. It's amazing how often they play out these same stunts without fear of "being caught". Doesn't speak too highly of the intelligence of my people, does it?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The gods of traffic karma strike!
It's that every now and again - not often, but occasionally - you get to be a part of justice being done. That really is quite a thrill when that happens. - Philadelphia
Like most people who suffer from road rage, I picture horrible things happening to people who I feel have done me wrong on the road. However even I will admit that it's just me taking it personally and even that I might share some of the responsibility for the wrongdoing. However I save my worst curses for those who are objectively bad and rash drivers. A motorcyclist might be driving two lanes away from me but if I see him weaving in and out at 25 mph above the rest of the traffic, I wish horrible things upon him. A crazy college kid in a truck trying to show off for his friends, shooting down some campus road at twice the speed limit, I truly pray bad things happen to him. It's because these people are putting everyone on the road at risk with little concern for those people or their families.
Today, I got the satisfaction of seeing said horrible things actually happen.
My folks and I were driving in a neighborhood in moderate traffic when I heard some motorcycle honking excessively. Considering how common it is to hear people honking in India, you should get an idea of how incessantly he was honking. I turned around and saw this guy driving what looked to be a souped up motorcycle, pull up really fast behind us. He was clearly trying to clear out traffic by honking so he could continue to zip down the road. My mental cursing and ill-wishing started immediately. Even as I was gnashing my teeth, the guy, who had passed us, revved up his bike really fast and even did an out-of-control wheelie. Thing is, I think he was new to riding that bike. He couldn't control the bike and hit a car from behind during his unintentional wheelie. I thought, good, he got his. But the traffic gods were not done. After he hit the car he veered off into the other side and went right under a truck coming from the other side. Yes! Luckily for that idiot, he managed to walk away from that crash. Of course, that only meant that everyone on the road, including my dad, felt free to let the scolding and shouting fly.
After a rather crappy couple of days, that really made my day.
Like most people who suffer from road rage, I picture horrible things happening to people who I feel have done me wrong on the road. However even I will admit that it's just me taking it personally and even that I might share some of the responsibility for the wrongdoing. However I save my worst curses for those who are objectively bad and rash drivers. A motorcyclist might be driving two lanes away from me but if I see him weaving in and out at 25 mph above the rest of the traffic, I wish horrible things upon him. A crazy college kid in a truck trying to show off for his friends, shooting down some campus road at twice the speed limit, I truly pray bad things happen to him. It's because these people are putting everyone on the road at risk with little concern for those people or their families.
Today, I got the satisfaction of seeing said horrible things actually happen.
My folks and I were driving in a neighborhood in moderate traffic when I heard some motorcycle honking excessively. Considering how common it is to hear people honking in India, you should get an idea of how incessantly he was honking. I turned around and saw this guy driving what looked to be a souped up motorcycle, pull up really fast behind us. He was clearly trying to clear out traffic by honking so he could continue to zip down the road. My mental cursing and ill-wishing started immediately. Even as I was gnashing my teeth, the guy, who had passed us, revved up his bike really fast and even did an out-of-control wheelie. Thing is, I think he was new to riding that bike. He couldn't control the bike and hit a car from behind during his unintentional wheelie. I thought, good, he got his. But the traffic gods were not done. After he hit the car he veered off into the other side and went right under a truck coming from the other side. Yes! Luckily for that idiot, he managed to walk away from that crash. Of course, that only meant that everyone on the road, including my dad, felt free to let the scolding and shouting fly.
After a rather crappy couple of days, that really made my day.
Sick sick sick
God, I haven't felt this sick for this long in a while. Expert opinions seem to suggest that this is a combination of a heatstroke and food poisoning. I don't want to go into the nasty details but suffice to say that it had me looking up "hyperthermia" and "diarrhea" on Wikipedia to find out what was going on with my body. I couldn't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a stretch, but I was sleeping all day long. I woke up to take a shower but midway through ambling to the bathroom, I realized I wouldn't be able to make it and walked back to the bed and passed out.
I suppose one good thing was that for the first time in more than a decade I was with family when I fell terribly sick and so I could actually get some assistance when I needed it most. I haven't recovered yet but am slowly getting there.
I suppose one good thing was that for the first time in more than a decade I was with family when I fell terribly sick and so I could actually get some assistance when I needed it most. I haven't recovered yet but am slowly getting there.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
The train journey to and from Chennai.
As I mentioned before, trains in India have undergone a big change. The second class sleeper coaches now accommodate 81 passengers instead of 72, which is a result of the addition of a side middle berth. This has been accepted as being a bad move by many, and is being withdrawn. During my recent trip to Chennai, I got a chance to experience the berths again and here's a summary of each of the seats on the train.
(These numbers are modulo 8 for the before and modulo 9 for the after.)
Seat #1 and #4:
Before: These are the window seats on the main side and correspond to the lower berth. These are coveted not just for the window seat but also because you don't need to climb anywhere in order to sleep, especially by the elder passengers.
Now: These seat numbers are exactly the same even now and just as coveted.
Seat #2 and #5:
Before: These are the middle seat and the middle berth. #2 was exactly identical to #5. Kinda awkward because you're at the mercy of the others sitting there in order to lower your berth to sleep.
Now: With a side passenger sitting with the main side, #5 becomes a little more cramped. #2 stays the same.
Seat #3 and #6:
Before: These are the aisle seat and the upper berth. Again, #3 was identical to #6. If you're younger or just unafraid of a little climbing, this is a great seat as well because you have the freedom of popping off to go sleep whenever you want. The berth is all your own. It does get a little hot in this berth and you get very little of the fan air striking you. So that's the negative here.
Now: Again, with the side passenger sitting on this side, #6 gets more cramped. #3 stays the same.
Seat #7:
Before: Side lower. This is primo real estate. Cream of the cream. Your seat is completely isolated so that much more freedom. If you're traveling with someone you know and that person's sitting opposite you, you can even stretch your legs as you sit. (Usually you can do that even if you don't know the other person.) And of course, when it comes to sleeping, this is the best berth in the house. You get space around you, and you can open and close the windows as you wish. The only downside is that on crowded routes, people without reservation tend to sit on this berth early in the morning, very illegally, I might add. Sometimes when this happens to me, I "inadvertenly" keep kicking them in my sleep.
Now: Funnily enough, this is one seat that has changed the least. While sleeping though, you get marginally less space above you because of the added middle berth, but qualitatively, it's the same as before.
Seat #8:
Before: This was the other side seat. Side upper. Almost as valued as the side lower in a different way. The seat is the same but while sleeping you get the freedom of going to sleep whenever you want, but you get less air circulation. Plus you don't get the annoying freeloaders sitting on your berth.
Now: Now this number corresponds to the side middle. While sleeping, this basically is as annoying as the other middle berth because you need to bother other people in order to lower your berth. While sitting, in a few trains I've seen this number get the side seat, in which case no problemo. But sometimes the seat for this number is added to the main side, so you have four people sitting on one side of the section. Very awkward.
Seat #9:
Before: Didn't exist.
Now: This is the side upper. When they added the side middle berth, they raised the side upper berth by an inch or two. That means that a berth that was once acceptable is now horribly cramped. You cannot turn around in that berth without hitting your elbows on the ceiling of the compartment. Also, you get the worst air circulation of anyone sleeping. Further, there's a guard rail that's been added which means that you can't stretch yourself outside the actual area of the berth - this is the only berth for which this happens. All these make this the worst berth in the section. Sometimes this seat is on the side, which makes it marginally acceptable. But if this falls on the main side, and you have sit cramped with three others, congrats! You've just landed the worst ticket possible.
With all that background, you'll appreciate it when I tell you that on my recent trip to Chennai (more on this in an upcoming post) I got assigned the side upper berth! Boy I was pissed! I did not even want to climp up into the berth. Luckily the train was very empty and I talked to the ticket collector and convinced him to change my seat. I asked for a lower berth but didn't expect to get it. And boy I was surprised when I got the side lower seat. Just like that I went from worst seat on the train to the best seat on the train. Fantastic!
(These numbers are modulo 8 for the before and modulo 9 for the after.)
Seat #1 and #4:
Before: These are the window seats on the main side and correspond to the lower berth. These are coveted not just for the window seat but also because you don't need to climb anywhere in order to sleep, especially by the elder passengers.
Now: These seat numbers are exactly the same even now and just as coveted.
Seat #2 and #5:
Before: These are the middle seat and the middle berth. #2 was exactly identical to #5. Kinda awkward because you're at the mercy of the others sitting there in order to lower your berth to sleep.
Now: With a side passenger sitting with the main side, #5 becomes a little more cramped. #2 stays the same.
Seat #3 and #6:
Before: These are the aisle seat and the upper berth. Again, #3 was identical to #6. If you're younger or just unafraid of a little climbing, this is a great seat as well because you have the freedom of popping off to go sleep whenever you want. The berth is all your own. It does get a little hot in this berth and you get very little of the fan air striking you. So that's the negative here.
Now: Again, with the side passenger sitting on this side, #6 gets more cramped. #3 stays the same.
Seat #7:
Before: Side lower. This is primo real estate. Cream of the cream. Your seat is completely isolated so that much more freedom. If you're traveling with someone you know and that person's sitting opposite you, you can even stretch your legs as you sit. (Usually you can do that even if you don't know the other person.) And of course, when it comes to sleeping, this is the best berth in the house. You get space around you, and you can open and close the windows as you wish. The only downside is that on crowded routes, people without reservation tend to sit on this berth early in the morning, very illegally, I might add. Sometimes when this happens to me, I "inadvertenly" keep kicking them in my sleep.
Now: Funnily enough, this is one seat that has changed the least. While sleeping though, you get marginally less space above you because of the added middle berth, but qualitatively, it's the same as before.
Seat #8:
Before: This was the other side seat. Side upper. Almost as valued as the side lower in a different way. The seat is the same but while sleeping you get the freedom of going to sleep whenever you want, but you get less air circulation. Plus you don't get the annoying freeloaders sitting on your berth.
Now: Now this number corresponds to the side middle. While sleeping, this basically is as annoying as the other middle berth because you need to bother other people in order to lower your berth. While sitting, in a few trains I've seen this number get the side seat, in which case no problemo. But sometimes the seat for this number is added to the main side, so you have four people sitting on one side of the section. Very awkward.
Seat #9:
Before: Didn't exist.
Now: This is the side upper. When they added the side middle berth, they raised the side upper berth by an inch or two. That means that a berth that was once acceptable is now horribly cramped. You cannot turn around in that berth without hitting your elbows on the ceiling of the compartment. Also, you get the worst air circulation of anyone sleeping. Further, there's a guard rail that's been added which means that you can't stretch yourself outside the actual area of the berth - this is the only berth for which this happens. All these make this the worst berth in the section. Sometimes this seat is on the side, which makes it marginally acceptable. But if this falls on the main side, and you have sit cramped with three others, congrats! You've just landed the worst ticket possible.
With all that background, you'll appreciate it when I tell you that on my recent trip to Chennai (more on this in an upcoming post) I got assigned the side upper berth! Boy I was pissed! I did not even want to climp up into the berth. Luckily the train was very empty and I talked to the ticket collector and convinced him to change my seat. I asked for a lower berth but didn't expect to get it. And boy I was surprised when I got the side lower seat. Just like that I went from worst seat on the train to the best seat on the train. Fantastic!
Friday, March 6, 2009
Rage
Few things can up the blood pressure of an Indian like the mention of the word Pakistan. Things had been cooling off for a while at various points before and after the Kargil war, but after the Mumbai attacks, atleast for this writer, the hatred is back. And it is hatred, it's not rational. For example, while I don't want them to suffer, I want all 300 million residents of Pakistan to disappear. It's not like me to be violent but at some point you have to draw a line and this is my line. I suppose I'll settle for the elimation of all males of the ages 14-80. But yeah, they've got to go.
The attack on the Sri Lankan cricket team is just apalling. There are no words to describe the insanity. The Indian team was supposed to tour Pakistan and that tour got cancelled as retaliation for "26/11". So SL very graciously offers to tour in their stead to help out a fellow sub-continental team. (Now, SL was going to make money off this too, make no mistake, but it's certainly a nice gesture to make, since Pak had a lot more to lose than SL had to gain.) And instead of protecting the Sri Lankan team to best level possible, they threw them to the dogs.
Call this conspiracy if you will but there's a lot that stinks in this affair. Why did the Pak team leave the hotel at a different time? Where were the commandos? I'd bet a $100 to get $1 that the Pak team got a call beforehand warning them not to accompany the SL team.
And now we have Idiot #1, Ijaz Butt, denying there were security lapses. Idiot #2, Younis Khan basically threatening the world that if they boycotted Pakistan, it would lead to more terrorists. And my personal favorite Idiot #3 Javed Miandad calling for a ban on Chris Broad. Yeah, the guy only threw himself on another person to save his life. Perhaps Miandad would have liked Broad to shoot the innocent man? Then does he get a medal Mr. Miandad? Or maybe, like your personal heroes, the Taliban, Broad should kill innocent women and children?
And Younis Khan, how about you clean up your country first AND THEN ask for teams to visit your country. Tell you what, here's a deal for you. You start by killing a 100 terrorists each day, and say after a 100 years when you make a dent into this terrorist factory you call your homeland, and the rest of the world feels a little safer, we'll think about entering that festering hell-hole called Pakistan. Deal?
The attack on the Sri Lankan cricket team is just apalling. There are no words to describe the insanity. The Indian team was supposed to tour Pakistan and that tour got cancelled as retaliation for "26/11". So SL very graciously offers to tour in their stead to help out a fellow sub-continental team. (Now, SL was going to make money off this too, make no mistake, but it's certainly a nice gesture to make, since Pak had a lot more to lose than SL had to gain.) And instead of protecting the Sri Lankan team to best level possible, they threw them to the dogs.
Call this conspiracy if you will but there's a lot that stinks in this affair. Why did the Pak team leave the hotel at a different time? Where were the commandos? I'd bet a $100 to get $1 that the Pak team got a call beforehand warning them not to accompany the SL team.
And now we have Idiot #1, Ijaz Butt, denying there were security lapses. Idiot #2, Younis Khan basically threatening the world that if they boycotted Pakistan, it would lead to more terrorists. And my personal favorite Idiot #3 Javed Miandad calling for a ban on Chris Broad. Yeah, the guy only threw himself on another person to save his life. Perhaps Miandad would have liked Broad to shoot the innocent man? Then does he get a medal Mr. Miandad? Or maybe, like your personal heroes, the Taliban, Broad should kill innocent women and children?
And Younis Khan, how about you clean up your country first AND THEN ask for teams to visit your country. Tell you what, here's a deal for you. You start by killing a 100 terrorists each day, and say after a 100 years when you make a dent into this terrorist factory you call your homeland, and the rest of the world feels a little safer, we'll think about entering that festering hell-hole called Pakistan. Deal?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The animation: It's everywhere
Apparently one side-effect of the IT boom in India is the crash in production costs of animation. Everyone's doing it. There's an ad for cement that has bunch of workers dancing while building a building. There are political ads featuring cartoon animals and birds trash-talking the other parties. B-grade TV shows feature special effects that would be considered stunning a few years ago. I feel it's out of control, but hey, what do I know.
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