My cousin's in Hyderabad for a short while and since I hadn't seen really hung out with her in a long time, I wanted to make a quick trip to Hyderabad. Since originally I had planned on going to Hyd on Feb 13th, I didn't want to spend a lot on this quick trip, so I bought a ticket on a non-a/c semi-sleeper bus. (The hierarchy going as - non-a/c, non-a/c semi-sleeper, a/c semi-sleeper and a/c sleeper. Sometimes there's a non-a/c sleeper in there, but not really to Hyderabad.) This costs less than half as much as a a/c sleeper so I felt good about buying the ticket. Soon I found out why it's that cheap.
For starters as soon as I got on the bus I found out that there was another gentleman sitting in my seat, #14. I talked to the conductor and he made a few calls to find out that they screwed up in the booking. He asked the (actually, let's call him AHole1) AHole1 to move to #22, also a window seat, just two rows behind. He refused. "My ticket says #14 and I am not moving. Bring the guy who booked my ticket and I'll talk to him." Exasperated the conductor got me a seat on a different bus.
[Meanwhile there was a meta drama in the first bus. A very huge guy(VHG) had the window seat and as soon as he sat in it, his neighbour (aisle seat guy - ASG) who was obviously cramped for space, called the conductor and said, "Look at this guy, look how he's sitting."
VHG (to ASG) - "What? How am I sitting? What do you mean?"
ASG (ignoring him, to Conductor) - "Ask him to move, I can't sit comfortably like this. Ask him to atleast lower the common arm rest."
VHG (to ASG) - "What do you mean? That can't be done. Why don't you raise the aisle-side armrest so you can get more space?"
ASG (actually acknowledging the VHG) - "If I do that I'll fall down."
VHG - "Then let's switch seats"
ASG - "Hmm. I dunno."
Meanwhile conductor to another passenger who was double-booked, this one on seat #13, "Look, you're skinny, why don't you take the aisle seat here?"
Skinny guy - "No way, why should I sit there? I want #13.]
Due to the change in buses I lost my window seat, which was a big problem since I only chose the non-a/c bus assuming I'd get some fresh air from the window. Somehow I fell asleep but I was woken up when I smelled a cigarette! "What the hell, why is someone smoking a cigarette on a bus?" I wondered. I looked around and saw that it was the guy across from the aisle. Furious, I gestured to him (since the bus was very loud) to ask him what he was doing with the cigarette. Seeing my gesture of a cigarette he replied, "Sure, you can have a puff but I think the conductor is going to get mad." Damn the loud bus! I had to tell him in spoken language to put out the ciggy. He compromised by opening up his window.
A few mins I woke up again to the same smell, but this time it wasn't him. I couldn't tell who it was in the darkness so I walked up the conductor to complain. "There's someone smoking on this bus, could you ..." I stopped in mid-sentence because I saw the cigarette in his mouth! I just put my head down and walked back to my seat.
Another hour or so later I was woken up by the kids in front of me who was shouting. Not crying, just yelling for fun. I tapped their father on his shoulder and said, "Dude, your kids are waking me up, could you quiet them down?" His angry response, "What do you want me to do? They're kids, they shout. What can I do? I can't control them." I had a large number of responses that came to my mind about a timely vascectomy or the words "adoption" or "strangling" but I just pulled my blanket over my head and tried to go back to sleep.
I'm not kidding when I say (not for the first time) I saw the merit of ssccatagapp. Sign me up.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
"Knocked up" on TV: Goalie pulled
You know how they censor EVERYTHING on TV here? No nudity obviously. No swearing either. And in fact they even cut out words like "gay", "homosexual", "rape" etc. Basically anything to do with sexuality is
out the window.
out the window.
So I was quite surprised when I saw they were showing "Knocked up" on TV here. "That'll be a quick 20 mins" I thought, because after taking out all the swearing, dirty words, indirect nudity etc, they'll be
left with barely anything. Surprisingly, it lasted a whole 90 mins with all the ads and everything.
For a long time I had a theory that these Indian censors could not know all the American swear words or dirty references and that sooner or later something would slip past them. And much like in the movie
where they pull the goalie and disaster happens, right after the scene where a pregnant Heigl and her "too old" sister are kicked out by the bouncer, the sister is complaining about the babysitter and says, "She's such a prissy little high-school cu**. " Except, the subtitles actually showed the C-word and while I was still picking up my jaw from the floor I was thinking, "Surely they won't let her actually SAY the word" but there it was, right out of her mouth "C***".
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Bluetooth cruising
This has happened to me a few times in Pune and once even in Goa. I leave the bluetooth connection on my phone turned on since I connect my bluetooth headset to it as soon as I go home. But that means that sometimes when I am at a bus stop or in the market or at the beach, among large crowds, I suddenly get a request from another phone asking me to connect.
Sometimes I directly get a request to accept a file, either a picture or a file with an unknown extension. Was it a virus? During the early days I even accepted a request to send me a pic, turned out to be a random picture of a 15-year-old boy.
One theory I have is that this might be how gay men in India try to pick up other men. Or maybe it's just to prank? Or just to play around with this "cool" "new" thing called Bluetooth? I don't know. It's just very weird.
Sometimes I directly get a request to accept a file, either a picture or a file with an unknown extension. Was it a virus? During the early days I even accepted a request to send me a pic, turned out to be a random picture of a 15-year-old boy.
One theory I have is that this might be how gay men in India try to pick up other men. Or maybe it's just to prank? Or just to play around with this "cool" "new" thing called Bluetooth? I don't know. It's just very weird.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Q&A: I have a question?
(This is about the book "Slumdog Millionaire" is based on. So if you want to watch that movie with a clear mind, you might not want to read the following. However if you're planning to read the book, read this to save yourself a few hours. Also, I haven't watched the movie yet, but will do so soon, with an open mind. So if you do comment here, don't tell me anything about the movie.)
You know that scene in the Tamil movie "Kadhala Kadhala" where Prabhu Deva paints a beautiful woman and the art students, Rambha and Soundarya, poo-pooh it, and later when Kamal Hasan throws some soda on it and smears it all over the painting they go "Wow, this is art!"? Here's my question, why do writers these days feel like they need to take a nice story and ruin it with dirt?
I just finished reading "Q&A". On my Goa trip, my friend was reading it and after I finished the book I had with me, I borrowed his. It was probably the worst book I read since "Kite Runner". Why do writers these days feel like a book is incomplete without references to child molestation, rape, prostitution, homosexuality and general wretchedness? Oh and flashbacks and references to future events in the story. It's like they're doing a "connect the dots" to complete a book. And I'm not exactly mad that the writer is focusing on all these negatives about living in India, although yeah it does bug me. It just bothers me that this trend of doing a collage of misery will only increase after the success of this book/movie. I'm not asking for the negatives about society (Indian society in particular) to be swept under the carpet, but you're a lesser person in my opinion if you think this is what it takes to make a great book.
As for the rest of the book, boy it felt so contrived! In a way, I suppose that the set of weird coincidences is the point of the book but it's so unsatisfactory. It's like a story of a bunch of paint cans being thrown off from a building and forming the Mona Lisa when they finally hit the ground. Gee really? What next, a story of a poor girl who gets married to a prince after dancing with him for a day? A girl who falls asleep till woken up by a charming prince? This is what storytelling has come down to these day?
Don't even get me started on "Kite Runner".
You know that scene in the Tamil movie "Kadhala Kadhala" where Prabhu Deva paints a beautiful woman and the art students, Rambha and Soundarya, poo-pooh it, and later when Kamal Hasan throws some soda on it and smears it all over the painting they go "Wow, this is art!"? Here's my question, why do writers these days feel like they need to take a nice story and ruin it with dirt?
I just finished reading "Q&A". On my Goa trip, my friend was reading it and after I finished the book I had with me, I borrowed his. It was probably the worst book I read since "Kite Runner". Why do writers these days feel like a book is incomplete without references to child molestation, rape, prostitution, homosexuality and general wretchedness? Oh and flashbacks and references to future events in the story. It's like they're doing a "connect the dots" to complete a book. And I'm not exactly mad that the writer is focusing on all these negatives about living in India, although yeah it does bug me. It just bothers me that this trend of doing a collage of misery will only increase after the success of this book/movie. I'm not asking for the negatives about society (Indian society in particular) to be swept under the carpet, but you're a lesser person in my opinion if you think this is what it takes to make a great book.
As for the rest of the book, boy it felt so contrived! In a way, I suppose that the set of weird coincidences is the point of the book but it's so unsatisfactory. It's like a story of a bunch of paint cans being thrown off from a building and forming the Mona Lisa when they finally hit the ground. Gee really? What next, a story of a poor girl who gets married to a prince after dancing with him for a day? A girl who falls asleep till woken up by a charming prince? This is what storytelling has come down to these day?
Don't even get me started on "Kite Runner".
Getting robbed at the petrol pump
Now, conventionally there are two ways in which you get robbed at the pump. The first is when the oil prices are high, and you end up paying a lot to fill up your tank. The other is when you pull up to an unmanned pump (in the US, say) and someone pulls a gun on you.
I found a third way to get robbed and, sadly, it happened to me twice during my stay in Pune. Basically when the pump operator is beginning to pump petrol, he resets the counter. Now I have no proof of this but I am quite certain that twice so far, the operator failed to reset the pump. This means that when I look up after he's finished pumping, and see that he has pumped Rs.100 in petrol, he has pumped less (usually Rs. 50 less, since that's usually the amount the previous customer paid). If you don't pay attention to the resetting of the counter, then you won't catch this. You don't realize you've been robbed till you drive away from the pump and see the needle of your fuel gage. Or much later, when your tank is empty but you realize that you haven't driven for that long. It drives me nuts because the operator can't be working alone since he doesn't collect the money. And it's not just him and the cashier since there's no clear way for the two of them to keep track of how much they're robbing in one day. So the whole station is in on it and so you can't just complain to the owner. I just have to be more careful I guess.
I found a third way to get robbed and, sadly, it happened to me twice during my stay in Pune. Basically when the pump operator is beginning to pump petrol, he resets the counter. Now I have no proof of this but I am quite certain that twice so far, the operator failed to reset the pump. This means that when I look up after he's finished pumping, and see that he has pumped Rs.100 in petrol, he has pumped less (usually Rs. 50 less, since that's usually the amount the previous customer paid). If you don't pay attention to the resetting of the counter, then you won't catch this. You don't realize you've been robbed till you drive away from the pump and see the needle of your fuel gage. Or much later, when your tank is empty but you realize that you haven't driven for that long. It drives me nuts because the operator can't be working alone since he doesn't collect the money. And it's not just him and the cashier since there's no clear way for the two of them to keep track of how much they're robbing in one day. So the whole station is in on it and so you can't just complain to the owner. I just have to be more careful I guess.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Rome and romans
I don't think this makes me a racist, probably just a dumba** but I can't get used to seeing Whites in India. Other than at work, where I generally pretend I'm in the US, I behave like any other Indian when I see Whites, I gawk! This inspite of the fact that I spent the last nine years in a predominantly White country.
Of course, it was even worse in the US. I was extremely allergic to seeing Indians in the US. In particular, Indians I didn't know and outside of Indian events like "Melas" and "Indian movies". Like at NASA, I always tried to walk away from the saris. And pretty much like any other Indian I tried to avoid all eye-contact with any Indian I saw on the street.
Of course, it was even worse in the US. I was extremely allergic to seeing Indians in the US. In particular, Indians I didn't know and outside of Indian events like "Melas" and "Indian movies". Like at NASA, I always tried to walk away from the saris. And pretty much like any other Indian I tried to avoid all eye-contact with any Indian I saw on the street.
The journey back: Weird train
Sadly we had to spend the last day of the vacation in transit. Our train was scheduled to leave Vasco de Gama at 3pm, so we had to leave Calangute early in the morning to make it. The train journey was spectacular, more than made up for all the inconvenience of the odd timings (arrival in Pune at 4am). The beautiful ghats, valleys and best of all, the Dudhsagar falls that we got to see from the train. I really wanted to enjoy the train journey like you can only do in India. First of all there's the landscape. The fact that all the windows open up and you can stand at the door of the compartment means that you get to fully enjoy the world around you. Then there's the food that's constantly coming in, plus the food at the railway stations. But there were a few realities to deal with.
For those that haven't travelled by train in India for a while, you're in for a rude surprise. There's now a "side middle berth". Our beloved Railway minister decided to lower the congestion in the trains by adding nine extra berths per compartment. I am sure it helps handle the load but it's not fun for the passengers who are used to the old compartments. For starters, the "ninth" man sits among the six passengers on the "main" side which now are 4-3, instead of 3-3. Also, the side middle means that the side berths are no longer fun where if two people are travelling together, they can decide to sit or sleep when they feel like - when the side middle berth is functional, the lower berth isn't comfortable for sitting.
Also, the pantry car took our orders for food and we ordered an egg biryani which was supposed to be served by "8 or 8:30pm". 8pm came and went, so did the regular food for the other people. Then it was 9pm. As it is, I get cranky when I'm hungry and on top of that, there was clearly something very wrong with the system there. Either some people were cutting in line in terms of how they were getting their food, or the food was being served to the cops on the train first. Either way, I was hopping mad when we weren't served by 10pm and I went to talk to the pantry car manager. Turned out the worthless staff didn't even take our order right! I was so angry I could have killed someone. After some yelling they agreed to send a veg meal our way immediately.
We did have our little revenge when we got our meal from a different pantry car vendor and the pantry car people who were bringing the food we ordered were left standing there with a tray of food. The guy tried to argue with me that since I asked for food from the car I should eat only that, I yelled back at him saying that the food we ate did technically come from the car, it just came before he brought me my food. He was left muttering to himself and I went to bed proud of my tiny victory.
For those that haven't travelled by train in India for a while, you're in for a rude surprise. There's now a "side middle berth". Our beloved Railway minister decided to lower the congestion in the trains by adding nine extra berths per compartment. I am sure it helps handle the load but it's not fun for the passengers who are used to the old compartments. For starters, the "ninth" man sits among the six passengers on the "main" side which now are 4-3, instead of 3-3. Also, the side middle means that the side berths are no longer fun where if two people are travelling together, they can decide to sit or sleep when they feel like - when the side middle berth is functional, the lower berth isn't comfortable for sitting.
Also, the pantry car took our orders for food and we ordered an egg biryani which was supposed to be served by "8 or 8:30pm". 8pm came and went, so did the regular food for the other people. Then it was 9pm. As it is, I get cranky when I'm hungry and on top of that, there was clearly something very wrong with the system there. Either some people were cutting in line in terms of how they were getting their food, or the food was being served to the cops on the train first. Either way, I was hopping mad when we weren't served by 10pm and I went to talk to the pantry car manager. Turned out the worthless staff didn't even take our order right! I was so angry I could have killed someone. After some yelling they agreed to send a veg meal our way immediately.
We did have our little revenge when we got our meal from a different pantry car vendor and the pantry car people who were bringing the food we ordered were left standing there with a tray of food. The guy tried to argue with me that since I asked for food from the car I should eat only that, I yelled back at him saying that the food we ate did technically come from the car, it just came before he brought me my food. He was left muttering to himself and I went to bed proud of my tiny victory.
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