Threatening the bank

A new grocery store opened up in my neighborhood and since I was dissatisfied with the existing store, I started frequenting this new store. Today morning I walked in to pick up a soda on my way to work and noticed that the shopkeeper was on the phone so I decided to wait for him. As I waited I couldn't help hearing what he was saying. I had obviously caught him in the middle of his complaint to a customer service representative (in Hindi)-

"... saw the number on my caller ID and decided to call back...some Rohit Malhotra (not the real name)...Of course, that's why I called this number. How dare this guy? He dares question me about a Rs. 253 payment? What does he think of himself? A guy making 1.5 lakhs a year dare call up a guy making Rs. 50 lakhs a year and speak rudely? I have raised a Rs. 60 lakh loan in one day. No offense madam but do you have the ability to raise that amount? Doesn't that then tell you that I'm an important man?... I am on my way to the main branch to give a written complaint. I want this rascal to get the proper punishment. Are you talking from Pune? Well I don't care, I am from Mumbai, I know a few people. It'll hardly take me 10 minutes to trace this guy and then if I find him, he won't be able to walk for the rest of his life. Hell, all I need to do is withdraw my Rs. 6 crore fixed deposit and blame this guy for it. That'll show him. Manager get fired for losing Rs. 10 lakh accounts, this guy will get crushed if I take any action. Well I know this guy is around that's why I called you, tell this bastard to take care of himself because I'm coming for him."

After he hung up the phone (I had been standing there for 20 minutes atleast) he turns to me and tells me his side of the story. Apparently the guy called to make a reminder for a Rs.253 installment on a Rs. 60 lakh loan. And when he couldn't find the original recipient of the loan he insisted on talking to his wife and then his father-in-law who is sick with cancer. After cursing the caller out for a while, he went on tell me another story -

"I sent one of my servant to collect a certificate from the bank and this one guy at the bank asked the servant to pay a Rs. 3500 bribe. My servant came back and told me about it. So I got in my car and drove to the main branch, sat in front of the manager and silently wrote out a check for my entire (a few crores) deposit and asked him to transfer it to their competitor. The manager was shaken up and asked me what had happened. I told him and he summoned the guy from the other branch. The manager then told this clerk, "I am going to lose my job over losing this man's account. I will in turn make sure that you never work in any other bank in your life." The clerk started crying and fell at my feet and tried to offer me a reverse bribe to accept my certificate. I told him that I didn't want my certificate here, I want him to deliver it to my farm (a few 100 kms away), at 6am. The guy showed up with that certificate at 6am. So yeah, I am not a man to be trifled with." 

The funniest part of this whole incident is that the bank he was got the rude phone call from in the morning was the same bank that called me and asked me to deposit more money!!! I am really thinking of taking my money out and storing it in a sock or something.