I think I've died and gone to hell

As days go, yesterday was one of the worst. It started with the oily parathas I had for breakfast. Way too oily. Setting up the theme for the day was the excessive heat outside, in excess of 110F. Oily food and heat don't go together, FYI.

Dehydration and more oily food for lunch led to a bad stomach ache. Added to that, my manager decided to be extra annoying. We had some work handed down to our team and he insisted on "delegating" and "discussing" (At one point he asked that we meet daily for 30 mins to discuss progress! Every day???) which gave me a big headache. The office picked some cheap chairs and till I picked a good chair (one that wasn't leaning to a side) I had a backache. Oh and I had some squats the day before so my legs were sore. Just think of a body part and it was hurting.

I went home in that condition at 7pm expecting to get some rest but the room was way too hot. I made the mistake of leaving my windows open and my curtains drawn and that ended up heating up the room. On top of that I was supposed to get my internet connection yesterday and after too many phone calls, I learn it would take another day. The light in my storeroom stopped working and that meant I couldn't get to my clothes.

I swear, I considered just quitting the job and leaving for Hyderabad at one point, I was that miserable. However after some thinking I decided to just hammer all these problems into submission. Starting with buying an air cooler, or even an air conditioning unit for my room.

More idiot manager stuff

Today the brilliant idea he gave us was to add links for "important" and "frequently used" webpages to my list of "Favorites" on Internet Explorer. The problem is that these are internal company links, and show up on the frontpage of the company website, which is set to our startup page when we open the browser anyway. So by doing this I'll be saving one click. "You mean the same sites that show up on my startup page, which is the company's internal homepage?" "Yes" he replied. I think he noticed the look on my face that suggested that I was thisclose to hitting him and continued, "Yeah, it'll save time and you know, bring some sort of uniformity to the group."

Dude, I get it. You have an MBA. You don't have to prove it to me on a daily basis.

National integration: A myth?

I was watching the IPL on Sony Max. That channel has two analysts who discuss the game both before and after it. The game I was watching was one between the Deccan Chargers (from Hyderabad) and Chennai Super Kings (from Chennai obviously). The game was won by DC (woohoo!!) and it was during postgame that I noticed something interesting. The analyst started his analysis of the game by saying, "That was a good match between two South Indian teams. The Andhra achaar was too spicy for the Chennai ..." It's that first line. Why is it noteworthy that the match was between two South Indian teams? Would he have said "match between two North Indian teams" to describe a match between Punjab and Rajasthan or Delhi and Punjab? Of course he wouldn't. What that comments implies is that the analyst feels South India is at best a "special" part of India, something "outside" mainstream India. This happened because the commentator was North Indian.

(At this point, I'd like to mention Sony Max's decision to have Hindi commentary and Hindi analysis for the matches. Just nauseating. But more on that some other time.)

I do realize that "India" is a weird concept, that it didn't exist in its current shape till very recently. But having said that, we're here, aren't we? Why the distinction? It feels like going to a party and having someone say, "Wow, didn't expect to see you here." And you wonder why I have such strong negative feelings toward North Indians!

All bachelors are less equal than others?

I've written about how hard bachelors have it in India. I thought I was done with that problem in Chandigarh/Panchkula and for the most part it's not a problem being a bachelor here. But I did have my first brush with it recently. I was trying to get internet at home and I got the contact info of a provider for AIRTEL. He met me at my office a couple of days ago and told me about the plans etc. I picked the one I wanted and he started asking me about my company. Then about my position. Then he asked me if I was married. I got pissed off at this point, "Why do you need to know that?" I asked. Turns out, AIRTEL is very reluctant to give internet connections to bachelors. They feel that that bachelors "commit fraud". "So what, married people don't commit fraud?" I asked him. No answer. So turns out the compromise is that I pay six months of advance to get the internet connection! NO WAY IN HELL! I just found another provider in Reliance and I'll post later on how reliable Reliance is.

As I was walking into my apt, an older man suddenly stopped me and asked "Where are you going to?" I told him that I was new here and gave him my apt no. I suppose it's fair, because he's just being cautious at seeing a new face. But again, would a couple get that question? Why? Because women don't steal? Geez!

Converting a house to a home

This weekend I spent doing odd jobs for the apt. It was remarkably fun. The apartment when I first saw it, was missing a lock on my room, which I felt was needed because I was going to have a laptop etc in there. So the agent installed a lock and got a curtain installed as well. After I moved in, I realized other things needed to get done. The fan didn't have a regulator, so it either got too hot or too noisy. So I bought and installed a regulator. But before that I had to shut down the main switch for the apt, and I didn't know which switch in the junction box controlled out apt.So I kept turning off each switch till the lights in our apt went out. (Did the other people on the floor get pissed? How should I know?) But yeah, I'm happy to say I installed it and it works like it should.

I also fixed a latch for the window to prop it open. For all the heat during the daytime it gets cool really fast in the evenings and I'd like to let some of that breeze in. I got the agent to send me some furniture on a rental basis and a TV. I got a a soap dish that I fix to the wall, so that was cool.

I really liked enjoyed this process. Should keep me busy for a while and stave off the inevitable boredom that'll creep in from not having many/any people I can become friends with. Oh well, with my Internet and cable TV with nonstop Punjabi pop, I am set :)

The new apartment

I moved into my new apt on Thu. My company was gracious enough to give me unlimited stay at the hotel but I knew it wasn't entirely unlimited - I couldn't stay there for three months. So I just picked Thursday night as the first night I'd sleep in the apt. It's small, it's just a bedroom and a bathroom, with an adjacent "storage room" that's exactly as wide as my suitcase!

But it has its advantages. It's about 150 meters from work. I got cable as soon as I moved in and should be getting internet in about 2 days. We have a maid who cleans the floors and washes clothes. So that's cool. And I even found a guy to deliver food for all three meals.

Shopping's a minor inconvenience since the area around the apt doesn't have a lot of variety, but just a short 10 min walk away, we have the Manimajra part of Chandigarh  which has a nice shopping district. (In case I didn't mention it yet, I live in a city called Panchkula, which is in Haryana, but is part of a "tri-city" area along with Chandigarh and Mohali, which is in Punjab.) I spent Sat night in that area, shopping for slippers and having dinner. I think I'll enjoy living here.

Law of diminishing stays

I noticed something very interesting about the apartments I've lived in. In Austin, I lived in "Blackstone" for 6 years. Then I moved to 4003 Red River and stayed there for 2 years. After that I moved to Houston and lived in an apartment there for 1 years. I had to come to Pune after that and I lived there for about 5 months. Now I'm in an apartment that I don't think I'll be living in for more than 3 months. I don't like the direction this is headed. This graph shows the months I've stayed at any location. It's dropping exponentially.

Weird blocking protocol

Get this. I can access Facebook from work. And Orkut. And Youtube. It's amazing. Pretty much any timewasting option I can think of, I can access. Especially Wikipedia (which I think they can't block because it's a big research tool). You know what does get blocked? IMDB. What the HELLLL??? The blocker tells me that the category is "Movies". Dude, it's not like I'm watching movies there. It's so weird. Again, because of Wikipedia, I can get most of the info i want about a certain movie. But it's IMDB. I've been on IMDB before it became big, back when their "top 250" list wasn't flooded by junk blockbusters. And now I can't access it at work anymore. Sigh.

Annoying people #2364

Add my manager to the list of people who annoy me. He's more of a team leader I suppose but he has about 10 years of experience and has the word "manager" in his title. Sadly I don't think he has that much more experience than I do, so it's hard for me to respect him and if I was a full-blown Indian I'd still be obedient, but with my background, I barely listen to him and ignore him for the most part. What do I have against him? I'm glad you asked.

 

He's got an MBA from somewhere. So he feels like he needs to use that degree to the maximum. He insists on management talk. For example, he asks for deadlines for everything. We have to do an online sexual harassment training program and since we have nothing else to do, we were going to get this done right away anyway. But he starts with, "Hey, what should I set as a deadline for this? Today? Tomorrow? Shall I say tomorrow? OK, I am going to set tomorrow as the deadline for this." Dude, we don't need to hear your inner monologue! And again, "How long do you guys need to get acquainted with the software? A week? Let's say 10 days? OK? Ten days. OK, so I'll set the deadline for this as ...." Even when we go out for lunch, he says, "OK, it's 1:30pm now, so what shall we say about coming back? 2:30pm? 2:30 pm sound good? OK, let's say we'll meet at 2:30pm."

 

This other part I don't know if it comes from him being a "teacher's pet" or just an idiot. Because we will be working with some US offices, he felt that we should actually change our working hours to suit them. He proposed that instead of our usual hours of 9am to 5:30pm, we come in to work after lunch, say at 1:30pm, and head home at 9:30pm! ARE YOU INSANE? I am not staying till 9pm in the office. If anything I would rather get in by 8am and leave by 4:30pm. The icing on the cake was when he asked the two of us (the two engineers) to buy two-wheelers in case we stay late. Yeah, and who's buying these two-wheelers for us? Your dad?

 

Lastly, he started bugging us about arriving at the office on time. You see, we're in a hotel as of now, "we" includes the boss. Further, we were assured that the company would be providing us rides to work, every day, for as long as we worked with the company. So our routine is to have breakfast with the boss and wait for the car together. The car has other duties as well, picking up people from the airports, other offices in the city etc. So it gets delayed. Sometimes as much as an hour and a half. So I don't know where he gets off complaining that we're being late. And he has the audacity to tell us that the HR is complaining about us, which I don't believe. The HR was the one who told us about the car rides, so she wouldn't suddenly change her mind about us being late.

 

But most of all, I think it's just sad that I can't get myself to respect him. I think the first superior I've had that I don't respect at all.

Chat across India

I took a walk around the neigbourhood in hunt of a new sim. Instead I found a chat store. The place looked appealing for some reason and I wanted to try out their pani puri. Turned out it was Rs. 15 for 6, which is a tad expensive. But the hidden benefit was the conversation with the pani puri maker. On a side note, he had a slightly unique way of making the pani puri. He took out a glassful of the pani before the prepped the puris, then he poured the pani into the puris with the glass. A bit more hygenic I suppose? After he was done with the six (he actually made seven, liked my face I suppose) he poured out the reminder of the pani into my cup. I was a little startled since I wasn't used to drinking that much pani. But it was tasty and more importantly, it didn't feel heavy or too spicy so I finished it. He offered to pour me another glassful and when I was hesitating, he said, "It has pudina, very good for you. Good for digestion. Go on, have some." I smiled and drank another glassful.

The pani was in fact slightly sweet and I asked him about it. He said that that was the way they liked it there. I asked him if he was from there, he said he was from Kanpur. I told him I was from Hyderabad and that over there the pani was spicy, although some liked it with a little sweetener. So I asked him if they made it sweet in Kanpur, he replied that that sweetened version was in fact from Mumbai where he worked for a while. In Kanpur, he continued, we make them spicy like this, and proceeded to pour me a glassful of pani from a different container! So basically a guy from Hyderabad went all the way to Haryana to meet a guy from Kanpur who worked in Mumbai and came to Chandigarh to serve him pani puri. Globalization!

Q: Why do my eyes hurt?

A: Because you've never used them before.

Atleast not in such bright light. I don't even mind the heat which, if you are careful, you can manage to avoid getting affected by. For example if you step into the shade, it's easily about 12 F cooler there. It's the brightness that bothers me. Everytime I step out, I have to squint so as to burn out my retina. My eyes hurt from all that squinting and my regular shades don't do a good job of protecting them anymore. I might have to get welding glasses or something.

The steps

It's the weirdest thing. Almost everywhere I've been to in Panchkula, I've faced steep steps. Started with the hotel I'm in. Then our office. Then restaurants. Whether I'm climbing down into a cellar, or climbing up a higher floor, the steps are all very steep. I'm yet to see deep, short steps.

Another oddity related to a few restaurants around my hotel. Now these are basically dhabas but they're underground. They have a cashier's desk up at ground level but if you want to eat you go down into a dungeon to eat. It's odd. I imagine this is because land is hard to catch hold of in the city and if you want to expand your operations from a small dhaba into a restaurant that can seat a few more, you have to go underground. Why not build up? Again, I don't know, but my guess is that it's cheaper to dig.

And you can bet you use steep steps to get into these dungeons!

Bongs and Fags

Two words that mean four different things in two countries. In the US of course they refer to devices used to smoke certain leaves, and a derogatory word for homosexuals. In India they refer to Bengalis and Cigarettes.

I had a Bengali roommate before and that guy was a chimney. I never saw him without a fa ... a cigarette in his mouth. And now my new colleague at work is a Bengali and he's a big smoker as well. What is with people from that state? Well this Bengali is a huge improvement over the previous one in many ways. This one actually seems to like humans and doesn't creep them out. Huge step up. The only thing is he's much younger than I am, the kid just graduated from college with a Bachelor's degree. Incredible that we share the same work title.

Rubbernecking - Panchkula style

I get rubbernecking, so I try not to judge those who indulge in it. In India they take it to a whole new level, even the tiniest of fisticuffs draw sizable crowds. But it was something else out here today.

At an intersection a car ran into another. This happened a minute or so before I got there because the crowd had already gathered. (No one was hurt by the way, it was a dent more than anything.) There wasn't much jostling on the inside which meant it was a rather civilized discussion going on at the center of the crowd. I was taking a walk around the neighborhood so I didn't stop. On my way back, about 10 minutes later, the number of spectators had increased. The crowd hadn't really increased around the car but people has gathered on the sidewalks and in the nearby shops. What really stuck me was the energy there. People were racing to get there. One shopkeeper and his assistant were racing to the accident with big grins on their faces, the social difference between them temporarily forgotten. One man was vigorously narrating the incident to another. Two students with books in their hands were running toward the site. The best sight was seeing a bunch of motorcyclists coming to screeching stops, locking up their bikes in a hurry and running to join the crowd.

Like I said, I've seen accidents and I've seen crowds around accidents. But the vigor with which people were racing to get a glimpse of the accident site, or more likely the fight to follow was something else. My theory is that Panchkula being a rather well laid-out city, you don't get a lot of accidents there, and when one does happen, it's a sight worth checking out.

Smell you later

(Warning: This entry might qualify for TMI: Too Much Information)
I'm sweat a lot. In school one day, during the morning assembly, I was sweating so much, a teacher thought I was about to faint or something and made me stand in the shade. Very cool (pun intended).

As I grew older, and by that I mean when I came to the US, my sweet sweet BO which was till then unremarkable, became noticeable to the people around me. So they introduced me to the concept of a deodorant. My roomie even picked one for me. I've been a great fan since and till I left the US, I was even a bit of a BO snob, turning down my nose at the FOBs who didn't use deo.

It was fine for a while in India too, till the stick I was using ran out. Boy, I forgot how bad I stink! It was made worse by the Hyd heat. I tried a zillions malls, couldn't find a decent stick. All they had were so called "deo sprays" and roll-ons. Even though I didn't trust them, I tried them and I was right. They didn't work beyond 30 mins after my shower.

And now, of all the places, I found one in this podunk city of Panchkula, in what I thought was going to be a minor store. Amazing, my brand too and everything. And just as I was about to begin my new job.

Let's pray I end up smelling like a million bucks.

A couple of misconceptions

Quick. What percentage of Kerala do you think is Christian? When I posed this question to my Indian friends, the answers varied from 90% to as low as 50%. People had this image of the Malayali Christians in their minds and assumed that Kerala was full of Christians. In reality, Christians form less than 20% of the population of Kerala. They're only the third largest religion in the state. Hindus still make up the majority, at 56% and Muslims are second at 24% (figures from Wikipedia).

Similarly, what percentage of Chandigarh is Sikh? (Now, this is a bit of a trick question because for the longest time we all associated Chandigarh with Punjab where Sikhism is the dominant religion.) But in Chandigarh, Sikhs form less than 20% of the population. (Hindus forming the majority at 78%.) This was very apparent during my cab ride from the airport to my hotel. Very few turbans that distinguish the Sikhs. Now, granted, not all Sikhs sport the turban, but the image that people have of a city teeming with Sikhs is off the mark.

Interestingly enough, even Amritsar is a Hindu-majority city with about 80% Hindus. Man, where the Sikhs at? Probably in the villages. I look forward to making atleast one trip to a Punjabi village at some point during my stay here.

Chariot of the poor

Burns: Why should the race always be to the swift or the jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well, I say cheating is the gift man gives himself!
Homer: Mr. Burns, I insist that we cheat.
Burns: Excellent.

One Mr. Lalu Prasad Yadav, the Railway Minister of India, thought along similar lines - "Why should the air-conditioned compartments be only to the rich?" - and created the "Garib Rath" (Chariot of the Poor). The Garib Rath is a train that has been deployed on various important routes, like Hyderabad to Vishakapatnam, and is entirely air-conditioned. The tickets cost a little less than the regular a/c coaches on these routes do, so the poor people can "afford" to travel in style. (I'll leave the question of whether or not this is proper as an excercise to the reader.)

As it turned out, these trains aren't used only by the poor. I got to use this train when I made a recent trip to visit my grandparents in Vishakapatnam. It was a sweet ride. These trains aren't some old trains retooled as Garib Raths. Instead they have been designed specifically with this purpose, so their layouts are unique. Also, being new, they're remarkably clean. One problem is that they sort of overdosed on the cooling. At night the whole train gets really cold because of the a/c. No problem, they rent out a set of bedsheets, pillows and blankets for Rs. 25. Good business, no?

Singh is King indeed

I'm happy to announce that I've found a new job and I'll be moving to Chandigarh shortly. Like I said before, the blog address will remain the same but I'll be now posting about North India!

I'm very excited and one of my first tasks is to set "Bas ek king" as the ringtone on my cellphone!!

I'll be a little busy with the move and the settling down process but rest assured that once I'm there, I'll be posting as before. Thanks for all the wishes and greetings so far.

A small change of heart

You know how I changed my opinion about living in this country and how I felt that it could be done?

Well two days of almost no electricity and internet later, I'd like to recast my vote for "HELL NO!" As in "No freaking way can I live like this." It's bad enough that the internet is slow, but if it goes out altogether, then I can't live.