Two types of people

In India, there are people who walk into a a restaurant and wait to be seated. They look around for a waiter to direct them and, in the absence of said waiter, they wait a little and then sit at a seat that pleases them. Then there are people who walk into a restaurant and just plonk down into whatever seat they like, without even breaking their stride. Whether they are alone or dragging a less obnoxious friend with them, or worse, a girlfriend.

The first kind waits for the waiter to arrive, the second kind calls the waiter over. The first diligently looks at the menu and orders something from the menu. The second doesn't bother looking at the menu and starts off by asking about the food he wants to eat - it doesn't matter if he's in a Punjabi restaurant and he wants to eat a pizza. "You know the 100g packet of Amul butter? Get one of those and put that in the dish I just ordered ... what do you mean you don't have that in the restaurant? Just pick it up from a nearby store ... come on dude, I'm sure the store across the street sells it, just send out someone and pick it up ... just put it on my bill, but go pick it up."

The first is probably reading a book by himself, or if with a friend, talks quietly. The second talks louder than the rest of the patrons of the restaurant and you can easily hear his opinion on his boss, his family, the latest movies and the food.

The first eats his food quietly without complaining (unless it's terrible). The second constantly calls the waiter over to comment on the food, tell him the rotis are not cooked properly and that the curry could do with more salt.

And then in the end, the first looks at the second and wonders what's wrong with that person, if he was hugged too little or too much as a child, if he beats his wife at home, if he is hated at work, if the waiter is going to spit in his food but in the end, wanting to become the second person. And then goes home to blog about him.

A TV and a Dish

There's a TV in my apt now. It's an LG Flatron. I also have my own satellite dish that streams a bunch of programs right into my living room without any pesky cables that get stolen, or cable company that claims not to be able to do anything about the sudden loss of service. The installation was quite efficient. Two guys showed up with a dish and some cables and proceeded to drill holes on the walls of my roof and laid out the cable. The service was activated and soon I had Sonali Bendre talking to me about the services provided by my Tata Sky dish. I get 100+ channels in this package but not enough S. Indian Channels. I might need to modify the package. I miss Sun Music and would like to keep myself up to date with the Tamil music. But more importantly, the junk that's on TV these days is horrible. Every channel has four to five tickers with news on them. And the rest is just loud music. I watched four actors in some movie dance to a version of "Rock the Casbah". I need (all) my Telugu Channels so I can atleast watch some movies.

My TV itself is quite cool. At first it looked like the remote didn't work and that I had a patch of color on the TV, but I got the remote exchanged and the color patch disappeared after a "reboot". The TV even has a game built into it!!! It's a modified form of Space Invaders.

On the satellite I get CNN International and can probably get ESPN if I sprung for it, but I'll hold off on it - after all, I doubt I'll get NFL on it. There are a lot of interactive channels on it. For example I can look at Matrimonial ads (Active Matrimonial) and if I like a match, I can send an SMS and get contacted by the other party. There are also some channels called Active Stories and Active Learning. In the absence of my laptop, I think these will do finely.

Ridin' dirty

A little glimpse at my road experiences so far.

This is what I looked like the first few days I went to work. Protection for my hair, eyes and nose/mouth.

And this is me with my helmet. Better or worse? Frankly the helmet gets the edge because in addition to protecting my skull, it actually doesn't mess up my hair too much.

This is my scooter.

Awaiting real license plates. (If I name my scooter Sasha and no one gets the reference, is it still funny?

This is an extremely common sight on the roads here. Women cover their faces almost completely, and in some cases even wear shades to protect their eyes while on the road. It's not limited to drivers or even passengers of two wheelers. Even pedestrians and bus passengers do this. In case I haven't mentioned it before, the non-nose/mouth covering is to protect their hair. And that's a sign that women are beginning to put effort into how they look. A good sign.

Snippets from a weekend

As Friday evening was approaching , and I didn't get any invitations to any wild parties, I figured I should plan on hitting a movie. A little online search showed me a list of movies playing in the city and since there weren't any decent English ones, I tried looking for a Telugu movie. (As if! No Hindi movies if I can avoid them!) There was one called "Shouryam" (Courage) playing at a multiplex near home. I have been to a multiplex before but this would be my first solo effort. The show starts at 10:30pm. This is what is called a "Second Show". The traditional timings for movies in India are - "Morning Show", "Matinee", "Evening Show", "First Show" and "Second Show". The times are approximately - 11am, 2pm, 5pm, 8pm and 11pm. I found the multiplex and my first pleasant surprise was that the seats were numbered. This meant that there would be none of the "Excuse me, would you mind sitting in a desolate corner of the theater since you are alone and obviously not worthy of a good seat?" As it turned out, I did get asked to switch seats, but to a better seat, to accommodate someone's friend. I didn't mind, but the friend didn't want to switch.

I had to walk through a metal detector when I got into the theater. (It was the same at a mall earlier. Somehow I got the feeling that the security at malls is better than the security at airports!) When I walked into the hall 10 minutes before the show, it was empty! I was surprised because the guy at the booking counter said that it was a full show. I think it's because it's considered "uncool" to sit in the hall before the movie starts; within minutes people started pouring in and the hall was full. There were no previews of movies, but they sang the national anthem before the movie began and everyone stood. They took it relatively seriously in that I couldn't hear any whispering going on or people refusing to stand up.

The movie itself was pretty crappy - when will directors realize that you need to be able to tell a good story before you can put it on film - but the experience was sort of fun. There was a lot of whistling and howling at the heroine, at the hero as he beat up the villains and at the comedy scenes. There weren't many (any?) single girls and very few married women. Perhaps it was because it was a second show. As the show ended and I took my vehicle (I'm going to refer to it as as a scooter) on the road, it felt oddly comforting. It was the first time in ages that I was on Indian roads that late (1:30 am). But I was on my own vehicle and was free to just do whatever I wanted. I didn't have to rush home. I could go into the city and get wild. But that's the kind of freedom you relish when you're 15 or 20. At my age I just wanted to get home and curl into my blanket and pass out. Which is exactly what I did.

On Saturday I applied for a land line. And spent the rest of the day driving around my new city. It was a very nice day and the traffic wasn't terrible. I visited a National War Memorial. I say "a" because it seems there are many such memorials in the country. And then I tried to visit a mall but felt too cheap to pay for the parking. I went to a book store instead and got myself a big book of Sudoku! There's a lot of new Indian authors writing about a whole lot of crappy topics that the new generation is supposed to care about (books of fiction about call centers, career-oriented single women,romance in college etc) . I sincerely hope this fad dies a quick death so we can get some real literature.

It looks pretty unlikely that I'll be getting broadband at home. So it'll be either dial-up or some sort of a wireless card. I almost certainly won't get the Vonage phone to work. So no US number for me. (If you really love me you'll pay for the long distance call, man!)

What kind of money do you make?

What? That's not an improper question. Is it? I dunno, I'm getting asked that so frequently that I am beginning to think it's acceptable.

The first time was my landlord. He was asking a few questions about my work and my company, presumably to ascertain if I would be able to pay his rent every month. At one point he asked me (in Hindi), "How much do you make?" I tried to evade it by saying "Well, I just got here, they're trying to finalize the amount etc" He insisted, "You must have an idea right?" I gave him a reduced figure. He seemed satisfied by it.

The second time was by a cop. I spent a few hours at a bookstore and as I was leaving the parking lot and entered the main road, I got pulled over by a cop - well flagged over. He asked for my driving license, which, bless my dad, I had brought with me to Pune on a last second impulse. His impulse. He told me that I had just driven in the wrong direction on a one-way.

(Let me express my outrage for a second here - at any given point in time half of Pune is driving on the wrong side. They're driving on highways, on small streets, in parking lots in the direction that gets them to where they want to go the fastest. The direction of the road has nothing to do with it.)

I tried to argue that there was no sign. The constable was quite polite actually, he walked with me to the sign. There apparently was a sign (it was written on the inside of the building's parking lot, not on the road) but I really didn't see it. I tried to explain that I was new to the city and that it was my first offense but it was pointless. He took me to the big guy who told me that I would be getting fined for driving in the wrong direction. Again, I tried to talk my way out of it but he took it to mean that I was asking for a reduced fine - read BRIBE. I didn't get that he was asking for a bribe till he said "two hundred rupees," and then pocketed the money without giving me a receipt.

And then he began asking me questions.
"What do you do?"
"I'm an engineer."
"Software?"
"No."
"What company do you work for?"
"Halliburton"
"What sort of work do they do?"
At this point there was a combination of accidental and purposeful miscommunication.
"We dig holes in the ground"
"Oh, you're a Civil engineer?"
"Yes." (Under normal circumstances I would never be caught dead calling myself a Civil Engineer.)

and then -

"What do you make?"
I pretended to not hear the question. He asked again.
"Twenty thousand rupees a month."
That seemed to impress them a bit. In a bad sort of way. He turned to another person nearby and told him, "I am nearing the end of my service and I just get Twelve thousand. This guy is making twenty thousand already."

He let me go. I had the feeling the fine (bribe) I was going to pay was sort of dependent on the number I told him, which is why I tried to give a figure that was low and yet realistic. I wonder what he would have said if I told him what I really make.

No, don't ask!

Lazy Hindi

I speak a LOT of Hindi these days. (Waiting for the giggling and guffawing to stop.) I do. I walk into a store and I don't even try to speak English, even into relatively big stores. The only time I remember speaking in English was in a Raymonds store and that too because the store keeper initiated the conversation in English.

The transformation into a Hindi speaker has taken even me by surprise. I lived in Hyderabad for a significant part of my life, so speaking Hindi itself is not new to me. What is surprising is the fluency that has returned. I am using idioms, slang and bargaining effortlessly. Of course, I don't think I am fooling a lot of people, but instead of thinking, "Wow, an NRI sucka!" they are atleast thinking "Wow, a non-Pune sucka!" which is good enough.

What isn't good enough is the Hindi that I speak. It's good enough to communicate but it's such a bastardized version that I cringe when I hear myself speak. Hindi is not native to Maharashtra. So, much like Hyderabad, they speak a functional version of it, instead of a pure version. (Sort of like High School Americans speaking English - technically it's English, but the Queen would faint upon hearing it.) It's a lazy version of the language with insufficient matching of subject and verb. Sometimes even the names are pronounced improperly, with the softer versions of the consonants replacing the real versions. Oh and the almost universal infiltration of English. I once heard two students speak absolutely beautifully pure Hindi on a bus in Austin once (they weren't trying hard, it was clearly how they normally spoke). So beautiful that I wanted to just get off the bus and follow them and keep listening to them. I hope to hear Hindi like that spoken again one day.

Mind you, it's not like the Telugu spoken in Hyderabad is any better. For that matter you hardly hear any Telugu spoken in the city in business transactions. A person I know in fact tried to speak exclusively in Telugu with the auto drivers to make a point. And that's sad. I only hope that there are still some people who still cringe when improper Hindi/Telugu is spoken, much like I cringe when improper English is spoken.

The Philosophy of Driving

Drivers in India are not that different from those in the US. I used to think, and still do, that there are fundamentally some things that are different about Americans and Indians. Overall courtesy, attitude toward hard work, attitude toward more vague concepts like freedom and justice etc. One difference I assumed existed was in driving attitude. In the US, people don't cut across lanes in a traffic jam, they don't honk incessantly just to express annoyance. But basically they're in a hurry and will anything they can to get to their destination faster. That's what Indians do too.

As I was driving last night (before the bug incident), I was squeezed in between a group of vehicles but a gap opened up between two autos which, if I could navigate through, I would hit daylight and be in the clear. At that very moment, the guy on the two wheeler on my right saw that gap too, and even though basically his front wheel was a few inches my front wheel, he accelerated through and cut in front of me. I managed to avoid hitting him but before I could shout at him, he had squeezed through the gap and was gone.

The thing is, this sort of a thing happened to me a lot in Houston - I am in my lane and I have left a decent gap between my car and the car in front of me. This gap is "mine", it comes from my discretion and it gives me the luxury of a few extra milliseconds to respond in case the car in front of decides to stop all of a sudden. But the guy in the lane to me feels that the gap is big enough to squeeze in and does so. Now I am forced to brake and move back to create the same gap here.

It's the same selfish principles at play. The difference of course is the level at which they actually affect you - ranging from annoying to even more annoying. The difference comes from things like the cost of a collision. In the US because of the prices of the cars and speeds of driving, it's much higher.

In spite of that I'll take the US any day.

Gulab Jamun and Paan

We had a visitor from the Houston centre at work and he wanted to present a few ideas on the direction of the group.

(I work in a team of four engineers, who in turn work for a group called Baroid, which is one of the many groups (PSLs) in the company.)

So anyway, we had a big group meeting. And you know how in the US you have either doughnuts or pizza for meetings like that. We had Gulab Jamun at this meeting! I couldn't stop smiling. A very nice touch.

For lunch I've been eating out of the delivered lunch boxes that we get. Thing is, they've been getting unreliable - they don't always arrive in boxes, the sometimes come in bigger containers that we have to serve ourselves out of and they were late one day which just isn't acceptable. So the canceled the boxes ("dabbas"). I found out from a colleague about nearby lunch options and he took me on a walk to a couple of places. It was a pretty decent meal for less. I even had egg after a long time. As we were waiting for the others to finish, I spied a Paan shop close by. I just couldn't resist it. Paan after lunch at work! So I had one made - boy, did he put a lot of effort into making a good paan! - and chewed it on the way back to work.

There's a "naturopathy" treatment centre there. They offer lunch/dinner as well. Am I going to be trying out that place? You bet!

Debugging life

Life sucks.

I'm miserable. Atleast, I was last night.

The early days of taking a vehicle to work were kinda exciting. I got covered up from head to toe to protect myself from the dust and smoke and managed to drive well. I had two goals for yesterday - find a helmet and find an internet service provider. Last night, it got kinda dark as I was leaving work and I couldn't use my shades or else I'd be blind. So I took them off. And as I was looking for a helmet, bam! A bug got into my eye. It was horrible. I was half-blind, driving on a big road in the middle of traffic and had to carefully get out to the edge before I could stop. I got most of the bug out of my eye but not before it bit me. Now I had an eye that was blinded and another that was watering profusely in sympathy. What bothered me the most was that if I'd left work 30 mins earlier, I'd have been using my glasses. And another 10 minutes and I'd have found a helmet store and I'd have been safe. It was in that narrow margin when I was most exposed that I got hit. It was one of the most frustrating moments since I came to Pune. I know it won't be the last of frustrating moments, but it was hard to justify existance on a while for a brief period there. Existance in Pune atleast.

But yeah, I eventually did get the helmet last night. I asked around and had to drive a few kilometers on the highway (with my swollen eye) and found a dealer. I asked him to show me a few models and I picked the one that fit me the best. He asked what motorbike I came there on - perhaps to match the helmet etc. I showed him my tiny two wheeler. "That?" he asked, "You want a helmet for that thing?" I grinned, "Yeah." "When you asked for a helmet I thought you wanted it for a big motorcycle." After he finished mocking me I explained that I actually didn't know how to drive a geared motorbike and I was frankly scared of doing that. He shook his head and I had his sympathy after that. Nevertheless, I now have a helmet and it's wonderful because it does the a great job of protecting my hair (from dust), my eyes (from dust/bugs), my nose/mouth (from dust/smoke) and I guess my skull (from getting crushed).

And today morning I had no water in the house but it came on a few minutes later.

"Bhagwan ke ghar mein der hai, andher nahi."  (There maybe be delays when you pray to God, but not permanent darkness).

The collection agents and more muslim might

I had dinner at Sagar a "pure veg" restaurant. It was ok. The guy runs a monthly program where I can have 30 meals for Rs. 750. A pretty good deal. I am just waiting to explore the neighborhood for other such deals so I can figure out who is running the best operation.

As I was having my food, I noticed that a big crowd (about 20) had gathered around the cashier's desk and were making a commotion. Phrases like "100" "Thousand", "Chanda" were heard and I figured they were collecting funds for some religious ceremony. Basically when people in a community perform some religious function - like a Ganesh puja or a Diwali celebration or Holi - they go about collecting funds from the neighborhood, both residents and businessmen (if you thought I was going to say businesspeople for political corrrectness you are clearly in the wrong place). Thing is, these donations are theoretically voluntary, but apparently rarely are. In one of my favorite movies - Siva - there is a great scene where these thugs show up with a can and DEMAND Rs. 100 for a ganesh puja. Apparently this practice is alive and well here. Amazing! The restaurant owner was complaining later about how there are many such groups who keep pestering the businesses for money and they don't complain because they just want to do their business.

Oh and another addition to the "muslim might" concept where I wrote about how businesses are catering to muslims explicitly. I turned on dear old Sun Music channel while I was staying with my friend this weekend. There were 8 ads in one commercial break and 4 of them were ads catering to muslims - featuring muslims, asking them to buy saris for Ramzan. The money never lies. It doesn't matter if your store is called Sri Devi Silks, you can't afford to ignore the Indian muslims anymore.

Personally I think it's great that muslims are doing well enough to influence business. I'd rather have them rich and spending than poor and frustrated and listening to the Osama Bin Ladens of this world.

I am definitely a part of the disease now

I got my two wheeler and am really excited about it!!

 It's a dull blue Bajaj Kristal. The other colors were Red (too generic) and Black (even more generic). Basically I wanted a color that stood out not just on the road (Look at me!!) but also so I could easily spot it in a parking lot. It's gearless, so all I need to focus on is the accelerator/brake and not getting killed by an overeager bus driver.

I still need to get it registered but that can wait a couple of days. For now I've been asked to stay away from the sight of cops, not because I am doing anything illegal, but just because some cops, like uncivilized creatures of any species, don't like excessive eye contact.

As I mentioned earlier, I did take it out for a test drive the day before. So this time I was confident enough to drive it home. I gradually kept pushing my top speed to 30 kmph. I got home, took a shower and was ready to explore the neighborhood! So drove on the streets. I still don't dare turn my head while driving so I don't know most of the stores, but my peripheral vision gives me enough of an idea of the streets and landmarks. Ate dinner at an Indian Restaurant (ha! ha!). There was a camel that was being led by someone on my street and no one gave it a second look. I hate to mention that because I don't want some ignorant Chinese guy (I'm looking at you, my ex-labmate at UT, you idea thief, you!) asking me if we ride camels to work in India.

I definitely considered coming to work by bus today, and trying the bike journey for later, but I am just eager to accelerate my learning process. Decked out in nice clothes (which I'd been avoiding because of the sweating due to walking) and a better pair of shades, I took off for work. The shades were a great idea since they protected my eyes not just from the dust but also the smoke. I should have gotten somethign for my mouth as well since by the time I reached work, I could taste all of Nagar road.

And yes, I broke quite a few laws in this process. I drove a little on the wrong side, I turned without signalling, I cut a couple of red lights and passed from the wrong side. (Jim Carrey from Liar! Liar! anyone?) I'm the guy that people complain about now. However try as I can, I can never drive as bad as some of the people there. I hope to keep it that way. Oh and I have to get a helmet as soon as possible.

Gay rights in India

After I landed in India, I picked up a couple of "India Today" and an "Outlook".  Between those two and a bunch of newspapers I managed to pick up on a few of the issues here. Keep in mind, while in the US I almost never read any Indian news (except Cricket and Movies). I was going to write about them in a big entry but I figured they will all pop up individually sooner or later in other ways and I will mention them.

An issue that is making waves in India is Gay Rights. It seems like just a couple of days have passed since the Fire controversy. And just yesterday that movie producers were trying (in vain) to cash in on the theory that all males find lesbianism to be erotic by making Girlfriend. And as I flipped through the magazines, turns out that gay rights have made a lot of progress. There was an article on a gay rights march. And then about efforts to legalize homosexuality.

I was surprised. I didn't even know that homosexuality was acknowledged in India, much less banned. Turns out that the Indian Penal Code criminalises 'carnal intercourse against the order of nature.'

(If I may get off on a tangent here, thank you, I always found the word "unnatural" to be meaningless when applied to behavior. Because the word seems to imply that such behavior doesn't exist in nature. Well, if someone's doing it, then it exists. That's the end of that. If I throw a ball into the air and it doesn't fall down, that's unnatural. If a dog gives birth to a kitten, it's unnatural. But if a dog is born with only three legs, or blind, then yes, it's an anomaly, but hardly against nature because guess what, it did happen. I extend that argument to environmentalism - people argue that we're destroying nature, as if we are apart from nature. We are nature, nature made us. So whatever we do, it's a part of nature. Now, I'm not saying there aren't consequences for those actions, but don't label them as unnatural. )

Coming back, the crux of the gay rights movement in India is to decriminalize homosexuality. One key factor to remember here is that the govt doesn't really arrest/prosecute homosexuals, or individuals who commit homosexual acts. It's just a law that the govt. is quite happy to ignore. Of course, it doesn't recognize gay unions but then again, marriage doesn't provide as much of a benefit from the state as it does in the US. So it's not really an issue.

In my personal opinion, this gay rights movement is just a bunch of hot air most probably initiated by some politicians who want to say, "I'm not opposed to gay unions." Or even worse, just something started by individuals who have nothing better to do. I'm all for gay rights but there are worse things in this country to march for. For example in my company, the amount of investment that you have to make for it to be tax deductible is different for males and females! Another example, singles, especially males, get treated like second class citizens by the rest of the middle class. Of course, this is more a social problem than a political problem, but one that's worth marching for. More on this single male issue later.

The neighbourhood: continued

On the day I moved in, I took a walk around the neighbourhood. I was looking for a place to "recharge" my SIM card, put more money into the account. I was looking for the "Idea" signs (since mine is an Idea card). I walked into this store that seemed like it would work. It was being manned by girl who couldn't be more than 12 years old! She was confidently speaking Hindi and taking money from customers and dialing some magic numbers and recharging cards for them.
"Do you do recharges here?"
"Yes, how much do you want to put on your account?"
"Two hundred rupees."
"There's a top up at Rs. 234"
"Oh uh, OK" (Whatever that is)
She asked for my number and before I could take out the cash, the recharge was done. She counted out the change from my 300, "One, six, sixteen, sixty-six, OK?" I could barely hide my smile as this kid played grown up.

Later as I was walking along, I heard a shout of "Bhaiyya, ball!" from above. As I looked up I saw tiny heads over a wall. The kids had been playing cricket on the roof and hit the ball over the wall. The "Bhaiyya" (brother) in question was a stranger who stopped and picked up the ball and threw it at the roof. Except, he hit a few electric/telephone wires and the ball ricocheted into my hand. A flood of memories came back to me, memories from when I was younger and was asked to throw the ball up a few floors and failing to either make the height, or missing the floor. Since you are usually right below the building, you have a very narrow vertical angle to work with and that adds to the difficulty. Do I dare make the throw and risk failure and ridicule, or do I just hand the ball off to the "Bhaiyya" from earlier and let him try again? I took a deep breath and made the throw. It cleared the roof and I heard the joyous, "Yay!!" from the kids, I couldn't stop smiling for the second time that evening.

I stopped at a medical store to pick up some random medicines. The supplies were worth Rs. 19 and I gave the kid in the store a Rs. 20 note. He spent a minute looking through the cash register and then when I looked back at him, he had a piece of candy in his hand. With the inflation and everything, not only can't you get much (anything?) for a rupee, you can't even seem to find the rupee coins. So these store just give out pieces of candy instead of the rupee. It's very amusing that these guys presume you want a goods instead of cash. I wonder what would happen if I took back five of these pieces of candy to the store and demanded something worth five rupees?

The neighbourhood

It's been a whole work day now from my new apartment. And honestly, it's wasn't great. I'm very close to shouting "Mommy"!

The main road (which is a highway, which is just an Indian term for a very crowded road) is about 1.5 kms (about a mile) from my flat. That is a bit of a walk, especially if you have to do it when you come back from work, tired. In a case of the rich getting richer, the journey to work (when I'm relatively fresher) is very simple. There's a bus that starts about a 100 yards from my flat and drops me off a quarter mile from work. On the way back though, I have to fight a crowded street outside my work and walk to a bus stop where I have to fight a bunch of eager commuters to get onto my bus. Provided I can read the signs fast enough (it's dark and the words are not written in the place that they are written on buses in Hyderabad or Chennai) and provided I can actually find the bus that goes home. The alternative is to get on an auto that takes me to an exchange point of sorts. And then take a share auto that goes to my street. And then walk the mile if I have the energy, or take another auto inside. Oh somewhere in there I have to grab dinner because otherwise I'll have to walk the mile again to get to a decent restaurant.

This should be moot soon since I am buying a two wheeler today. A Bajaj Kristal. A gearless bike. The showroom is close to my place and I took it for a test drive yesterday. That's right, I actually drove on Indian roads for the first time in 10 years. I got on the highway with great fear and drove at a very safe 10 kmph (6.3 mph) with both my feet hanging off the bike in case I fell. But the instincts came back pretty fast and soon I was giving it more gas and cruising at a respectable 30 kmph (20 mph). I even signalled and made a U-turn confidently. It felt good - not to drive as such, but knowing that I didn't panic at any point. I'll be making the payment and picking it up tonight after work. Wish me luck.

The "Shoppy" - lost in transliteration.

In an unauthorized paradigm shift that I've noticed, all sorts of small stores are now calling themselves "Super markets". Technically they're not that wrong, they do sell quite a variety of items, almost no one is willing to concede that they are a small grocery store. And then the bigger stores have to use names like "mega stores" or even "Giga stores" ("Tera stores" can't be far off - "Presenting for the first time ever, India's first Tera Store")

During my first week here, I was looking for an electical/electronic store to buy a socket converter. I figured I should ask a local merchant to guide me to an electrical store and I walked into what looking like a "Sweets Store". I asked him where the nearest store was. The guy asked me, "What exactly do you want to get?" I told him. He nodded his head knowingly and shouted out something to his assistant. In a few seconds a white socket converter materialized in his hands, complete with fuse and everything! Then as I looking around the store I realized this sweet store (no pun intended) was selling everything - pen drives, CDs, mp3 players. Amazing.

Another new development is the almost universal sign saying "Shoppe". Now for those that aren't familiar, "Shoppe" is pronounced just like "Shop", it's just an archaic way of writing it, like "Ye old shoppe". Alternately, it's a "cool" way of saying "Shop", you know, being retro on purpose etc. I get it. But what is ending up happening is that people are using this word indiscriminately, without understanding it. As far as they're concerned, their competition is calling itself "Shoppe", and they should too. In a sad twist to this tale, the not-so-educated shopkeepers read this word as "Shoppy"!! And in the local languages, the signs read "shoppy" and on radio, the ads say "shoppy". I am really worried that in a few months I am going to start saying "shoppy"!

A new flat and new phone

I'm not the proud new renter of a flat (apartment). Today was my first day to work from the new place. Turns out there is a bus that takes me right from where I live to where I work (except for a about a 5 min walk at each end). I'm guessing the return journey won't as simple. But if I can figure out a way to do my commute for less than Rs 100 each day, I'll be good. Preferably closer to about Rs. 30.

The area is called Wadgaon Sheri. The area that I work is close to the station. I just tell the autowallah (or Rick as they're called here) to take me to Hotel Le Meridian, which is a big hotel adjacent to work. The road off the highway that leads to my apt is called "Pani Ke Tanki kaa road" (The Road of the Water Tanks). The name comes from the giant water tanks that are on the street. It's kinda hard to be certain right now, because I just moved in, but I think I live in those white Buildings in the middle of this image.

I also have a cell phone number. It's been active for a while but I had a few problems with it, so I was waiting to give it out. The number is Nine Zero One One Eight Five Six Eight Eight Three. So to dial from the US you'll be dialing 9190118... etc.

"I don't give the house out to Muslims" and "Women are stupid"

Yesterday I went looking for flats (apartments in India) again. Met a pretty friendly chap who showed me a pretty good flat for a very reasonable price. He went on to show me a few more places too. Somewhere in there he asked me (in Hindi), "So what are you?" "I don't understand" "I mean, Hindu, Muslim ..." "Oh, I'm Hindu" "Ok good, because I don't want to give the place out to muslims."

I was rather stunned by this blatant display of communalism. I couldn't focus on the next few things he said. But as I digested the info, I had to remind myself that this was India and this should be common (not those feelings, which are common all over the world, including the US, but actually saying them out loud). Would you take a stand and try to educate the guy about political correctness? I didn't. In fact, I was almost certain that he and I had a lot more than religion in common. The dreaded C-word - Caste. That, I'm a lot more conflicted about using to get an advantage. But I'm cheap after all and if it gets me an edge, I'll milk his feelings. Of course, I'll play the card when it is time to negotiating rent.

Yesterday the owner of a particular flat missed my agent and me by a few minutes. As a result both of us were very frustrated because the agent had picked me up from work and driven me around. Today I met the same agent to see the same flat and he found out that the key had been with the people who live right below the vacant flat all along. We saw the flat and as we were leaving he remarked (in English): "Women are stupid." I didn't say anything. He continued in a mixture of Hindi and English, "No I'm telling you, women will always reveal their stupidity. The women can be really smart, she can be an IAS, she can be highly educated. But they lack common sense."

I really don't have a joke here. I really really don't. I mean it. I'm just reporting. I do not endorse this person's views. Believe me.

Picture = 1k words

	"Crack-resistant cement" with the picture of a girl. I just don't know what to do with that.
	No, it's not remarkable to see three people on one two-wheeler in India. What you probably can't see in the picture is that there's a child sleeping on the petrol tank right between the driver and the handlebar.
	Signs of a booming economy - dog matrimony. I sincerely hope they're talking of marrying dogs to other dogs and not to humans.
	A few buildings around the place I stay right now.
	A temple near by.
	This picture is dedicated to Niraj.
	And this picture is dedicated to my parents (for the Chutney's reference) who I sincerely hope aren't reading this blog.
	This is the swanky apartment I'm staying in right now. I'll be moving to a significantly worse place.

Interfering with the market.

Before leaving Hyderabad, I took my parents out for lunch. We went to a nice Indian restaurant called Chutney's that they like a lot (I like it a lot too). The bill came out to be about Rs. 330 and after paying the bill, I left a respectable 10% tip of Rs. 30. Mom was aghast, "Rs. 30 tip???" "Ok, Mom, how much do you want me to tip?" She indicated with her fingers - Rs. 5. I compromised and settled for Rs. 20.

At a couple of restaurants now in Pune, impulsively I try to tip the (American) customary 15% before pulling back and tipping closer to 5%. I feel guilty about it since, what the hell, I'm tipping "fat Americans" 15% and (relatively more) needy Indians 5%. Similar thing about beggars. After I began working, I started handing out dollar bills at intersections when asked. At intersections here, I tried to give Rs. 5 coins to kids who came knocking on the car windows. But once again, mom furrowed her brows.

Now before someone accuses my dear mom of being evil, it's a common sentiments among many people I hang out with in India - you're tipping too much/giving too much in charity. And normally I'd stick to my principles but in this case I just don't want to create problems for others :) I'd hate if I started tipping 10% in restaurants and soon the waiters start demanding that from the others. Or give the impression to the beggars that it's ok to expect charity because some crazy NRI is going to be throwing out big bucks like it's nobody's business.

Apartment hunting in Pune is hijacked by the agents. Agents are bastards who are put on this earth to get between a person and a product. They charge a brokerage of 1.5 to 2 times a month's rent. So obviously not only do they have no incentive to show you places with low rents, they keep ratcheting up the rents of places. So when I've called them saying I want a flat that costs 8,000, they show me places that cost 12,000. The only way I know to deal with this nonsense is to get out of the system rather than encourage it. I'm probably going to get an independent house through a friend. Screw you agents and your mind games.

One nation, divided

Nandamuri Taraka Rama Rao once famously said that "Centre is a conceptual myth". The man of course was Andhra Pradesh's most beloved Chief Minister and one of the first leader to instill Telugu Pride in Telugus. I've always felt that this sort of a pride was important for everyone - to recognize that while we all belong to India, we are not necessarily defined by Hindi and/or North Indian culture but by our respective regional heritage (unless of course your regional history corresponds with the North Indian culture, for eg. Uttar Pradesh).

I do wonder though if that sort of a pride has run amok. As I spend time in India, and in particular in a place outside Andhra Pradesh, I realize that regional pride is very much alive, except it's some sort of a grotesque monster now.

A political party in Karnataka wants 30% reservation for Kannadigas in the private sector. A while ago, there was a call for non-Kannada movies to be released in the state after a delay so that they wouldn't compete with the Kannada movies in the state. The Maharashtra Navnirman Sena is, if you can believe, a party that's on the Right of the Shiv Sena!!! That's like someone being a better QB than Peyton Manning - it's unimaginable! The MNS apparently had their panties all up in a bunch because North Indians are immigrating into the state, and into Mumbai in particular. Not to mention the controversy about Jaya Bachchan not speaking in Marathi at a public function in Maharashtra and Amitabh Bachchan opening a school in UP instead of Maharashtra. And in addition, a lot of regional and caste based parties are popping up. Basically I think economic reforms have created a nice tasty dish to be consumed and everyone wants a piece of that pie for themselves and theirs.

Of course, personally I was pissed off at lunch today when I had to eat alone. Apparently all the cliques are set up, and they're all regional. (Except of course the Whites, who eat together!) Before you ask, the reason I wasn't eating with the Telugu clique is because I wasn't properly introduced yet, which I plan to rectify as soon as possible. But while I will admit that I love the company of Telugus and being a Telugu, even I'll admit that it'll be a sorry day when I'm deprived of hanging out with some Tamilians (I love Tamil slang) and some Kannadigas (who are the nicest group of people in the world - I'm yet to meet a single Kannadiga that rubbed me the wrong way) and some Malayalis (with their awesome accent) and heck, even the N. Indians. For that matter my boss is apparently a big NFL fan and atleast to get in on some of that NFL talk and would love to sit at the White table!

A delicate jump

(A couple of big posts are coming up. I'll put up a few snapshots here.)

The apartment hunt is going to take up most of my time this week (in theory). I've been asked to spend all available time on that, including take time off from work.

As I was hunting apartments online, a colleague walked up and introduced himself, "Hi, I'm another Kalyan." He's Telugu, and based on our short conversation I'm about 70% sure he's related to me through no more than two steps. As I talked to him about accommodation, he quickly called up an agent and hooked me up. Sounds like a good deal in the sense that it's close by and cheap. I'm waiting for the fine print.

Turns out his agent is Telugu too. Which caused me to immediately fire up my Telugu Landing System (TLS). By TLS I'm of course referring to the delicate dance that I (I assume other Telugus do this too) perform while meeting a new Telugu person. In particular it comes to one very important question - at what point do you drop the first Telugu sentence? (Sometimes the other person will make the crucial step and you won't need to worry. At other times you'll have to take the onus.) Too early and you'll sound needy or "uncool". Too late and you'll be snobbish city boy (or NRI) who can't be bothered to speak in his own mothertongue. The whole procedure is not unlike landing an aircraft on a carrier. I broke out a "ఆఫీసులో ఇంకా తెలుగు వాళ్లు ఉన్నారా?" (Are there other Telugus in the office) as soon as he finished talking to the agent and I think the ice is broken. As it turned out, he was very cool and even offered to introduce me to his mother so she could figure out how I'm related to him :)

There is a good chance he'll end up being my neighbour.

Eat at the Hotel

(A quick update)
I'm at work in Pune, arrived 15 mins ago and waiting in a meeting room to be assigned a seat and meet the others. The guesthouse I've been put up at is very sweet and the area is very quiet. I met cousin who lives here and he's been a great help.

Right now the biggest thing on my agenda (other than work) is getting an apartment. As soon as that's done, I'll be comfortably set up.

I've been asked to give a "treat" for my birthday at a nice "Hotel". I've been told by a friend who was born in Pune that the locals can "smell my NRI a** from a mile away". So I need to adapt my vocabulary, clothing and general mannerisms if I'm to fit it. One such adaptation is realizing that the word "Hotel" in India is used interchangeably for "restaurant". Oh, and the place I work is right next to the "Le Meridian" Hotel. It's pronounced "Lee Meridian".

It's not just a piece of cardboard

Done with packing and I'm off to Pune pretty early in the morning. Wish me luck.

It's the day of the immersion of Ganesh statues. Should make for a very tense morning on the way to the airport over in Hyderabad, and while not as tense, still a pretty long journey from the airport in Pune. I'd wanted to see the Ganesh festival in Pune, I guess I'll have to satisfy myself with glimpses of the statues on their way to being immersed. 

Mom has to help pack, even now. The "has" refers to her desire and my unwillingness to argue with her. I got a nice gift from Srujana, a small poster from Godfather - it's a shot of Bonasera as he's leaning into make a very harsh request of the Don. As mom was packing my stuff she sees this and asks me - "What is this? Is this just a piece of cardboard, can I throw it away?" My eyes popped out of their socket. "Mom, that's not just any piece of cardboard!"

Once I get to Pune I hope to upload some awesome pictures. For now I'm signing off from Hyderabad. Next time you hear from me, I'll probably be brainwashed by the MNS. Rajesh, I'll either end up hating you with all my heart, or the opposite, very soon. 

A hairy encounter

Just got back from a haircut. You know how haircuts work in orthodox
homes. You come home from the haircut and you stand without touching
anything in the house, not unlike a quarantined patient. And then
after the bathroom is set up for you, you walk in, again without
touching anything and get "cleaned" and only then are you fit for
human interaction. And if you happen to go with, say, your dad then
you have to stand motionless while your dad finishes his shower.

I'm told Reliance wants in on the haircutting business. They'll be
offering good quality at slightly higher prices. This of course has
the mom-and-dad stores in an uproar. Merits keeping on eye on.

Anyway, today at this store near our house I sat down in the chair.
The guy wraps the sheet around my neck. I was keeping an eye on the TV
as I wait for him to get ready. Next thing I know this guy has both
his hands on my shoulders, leans in close to my ear and whispers, "Do
you want it short?" I was startled! I know I've gotten a lot more
squeamish about personal space since I left India but this had to be
inappropriate even for Indian standards. I said, "Medium" and sat up
very straight. The rest of the haircut went on without any incident.
Except, after he finished, he leaned in again and asked, "Do you want
an oil massage (for your scalp)?" "No thanks!!!!".

It's a secular country alright!

Being as it is Vinayaka Chavithi, as soon as I entered the city, I expected to be greeted by the usual elaborate setups that are rigged up this time of the year. What I wasn't quite prepared for were the signs that said "Happy Ganesh Chathurthi and Ramzan wishes", with tons of photos of the local politicians. It's like people suddenly woke up to the power of the Muslims living in the city and realized they can't be ignored. (I must say, most of the signs are by the aspiring members of the newly formed Praja Rajyam party.)

Another set of signs that I saw for the first time was "Haleem available here". Haleem apparently is a high calorie stew that Muslims consume while breaking their daily fast. I'm sure it's been around the city for ages, but it's only now that I'm noticing the signs advertising the availability. Again, the large consuming power of the Muslims. Flexing of their economic muscle.

There was an interesting program on TV as I was getting my haircut. About this dargah which gets a lot of Hindu visitors as well. It's fascinating to watch the co-existence of religions in the city. 

My life if I'd been born in the US

Apparently Peyton Manning showed up for a sweet 16 party. And it was
for an Indian kid by the looks of it. What's more, he was dancing with
Mallika Sherawat. Wow, I've always wondered what my life would have
been like if I was born in the US. I suppose this would been one of
the dream scenarios. Except for the Mallika Sherawat part of course.

http://www.sepiamutiny.com/sepia/archives/004225.html

http://deadspin.com/sports/nfl/peyton-mannings-sweet-16-party-cameo-241661.php

http://sportsbybrooks.com/peyton-manning-sweet-16-partygoer-was-bollywood-actress-mallika-sherawat-12395

Language and the bargaining experience

Yesterday, after the world stopped spinning, I took the world out for a spin.

I took mom to see an physical therapist because her legs hurt. The
therapist was a N. Indian, Hindi-speaking person. The conversation
that followed is one reason I think India is just so cool.

Mom: నా కాలు నొప్పి పెడుతోంది.
Dr.: कहाँ पे?
Mom: My knee.
Dr.: మీరు ఇక్కడ ముందు వోచ్చారా?
Mom: No.
Dr. Aunty, आपको treatment compulsory అవసరం.

And so on ...

-----

Later in the day we went shopping for fruits and I was made to realize
once again how utterly inadequate I am at bargaining. This is a skill
I need to develop if I am to survive India.

ఒక తెలుగు entry

జనులారా, ఇచుట నుండి తెలుగులో కూడా పోస్ట్ చెయ్యగలమని తెలిసింది.
అందుచేత నేను ఒక experiment చేద్దామని ఇలా రాస్తున్నా.
అంతా క్షేమమే.

It's the end of the world as we know it

"Mom, the world is going to come to an end in 5 mins."
"Oh no, lunch isn't ready yet."

One thing that's been getting a lot of coverage on TV here is the CERN's LHC. At one point there were about 8 different stations with coverage of the first experiment. There was an actual panel discussion in Telugu, by Telugu speaking physicists explaining what the LHC is all about and the potentials dangers from it.

One network in particular was showing a countdown clock to the start of the experiment and I was drawn in like the idiot that I am. I called my mom's attention to this but she couldn't care less!

On a side note, thoughts and prayers with the good people of Texas and Houston in particular. Personally I'm glad I got out before the traffic and the hurricane hit the highways.

I hate European airlines

Why should I pay $2000 to be treated like a second-class citizen by some random racist European on a power trip? If I'm going to pay less, I'd rather get treated like crap by Indians (Air India). Or I'm just going to spring for Emirates.

Right off the bat, they made me comfortable. At the airport their representative helped me with the re-ordering of my stuff so that it complies with the luggage requirements of the airlines. She even gave me a bag to hold the excess luggage which I was told to carry in hand to avoid any hassle while boarding. And the aircraft it was totally classy, not to mention half-empty so it was a really comfortable flight. Too comfortable - I kept watching the shows and movies and didn't get enough sleep and so kept passing out while talking to my parents after arrival! The aircraft even had "stars" in the ceiling after they turned out the lights. They handed out toys and coloring books to the kids. Indeed, it was such that I didn't actually want to disembark after the flight landed.

Their movie selection included Yogi! And I got to watch the "Cougar" episode from "How I met your mother".

The Dubai airport was lousy though. It's technically non-smoking but you could smell smoke everywhere. People were passed out near the chairs or grouped up according to various ethnicities. There was a group of Asian Muslims (I assumed they were Indonesian) that slowly gathered adjacent to where I saw reading my newspaper and before I knew it they were passed out all around me! I had to pick up my carry-on bag and walk carefully so I avoid stepping on any of them.

I hang my head in shame

I am in Hyderabad for now, a week of being spoiled to look forward to. (doesn't matter how old I get, I will always regress at home)  

But that's not why I'm ashamed. I bribed someone in India. Something I never wanted to do. 

At the airport, I had two laptops with me. (BTW, the way the customs guys figure out about the laptops is by having someone mark LT on your suitcases with chalk. So a simple trick in theory is to take the suitcase to the bathroom and erase the mark. Someone should try this next time they're bringing in two laptops.) They send me to talk to this customs official and he busts out some calculations and asks me - The customs duty is Rs. 4500, are you comfortable paying that? I tried to explain that one is a company laptop and the other is a personal laptop, so I shouldn't have to pay. But after a lot of discussion he "offered" me a deal for Rs. 2000 which I paid as a combo of rupees and dollars. 

I would have raised a bigger fuss if I was my laptop, but being as it was a present for dad, I didn't want any trouble.  But it made me feel dirty all the same. And I have a feeling it won't be the first time I'll be bribing someone in India this year. 

Buh-bye now, buh-bye

Well I don't really want to spend my last few hours writing blog posts so I think I'll say my o-blog-atory good-bye a little in advance.

I've got a lot of Goodwill/Half-Price Books trips to make. Junk to throw out and everything else to pack. Most importantly I have to ship out a couple of boxes by Fri evening and then make it out to the concert on Friday evening. I'm glad I'll be making it to the SPB concert (if everything goes according to plan). Take off is scheduled for 6:50pm on Saturday.

Once I get to Pune I should have a guesthouse waiting for me. It's only for a week but I don't imagine it would take me more than that to find a place. What I'm looking for - low rent, internet access, good view and decent locality (safe and close to work).

But before that I'll be spending some time, including my *ahem* Birthday, with my parents. First Birthday with them in about 14 years. I know my Parents are very excited about it. I am too.

Boys 2 Men

As we were chilling at Agora, in one of my favorite spots - the big couch upstairs and I realized that three of us would be turning 30 in the next few months. The next time we all hang out, we'll be a bunch of 30-somethings. It was an odd realization.

It was a fun evening, tried out Cuban food for the first time ever. And then Agora. On one hand I'll be missing all the excitement of hanging with my friends, but truth be said, I've got a lot of stuff on my mind regarding the departure. The packing, the termination of some services, shipping stuff that is not coming with me on the flight to India or some where local.

It's going to hit me in a couple of weeks that I won't be seeing my boys for an year. I'm hope I'll be drowning my sorrows in some sorry Bollywood movies by that time.

The kindness of friends

Sure, strangers are SUPPOSED to help you (unless pithy expressions are wrong!) But it's my friends that came through guns blazing this weekend.

It was a spectacular weekend from start to finish. Started with a shindig in my apt in Houston. My Houston boys showed up and so did Srujana from Austin. Did nothing but talk, but it was as memorable a night as ever. Vikrant and I topped it off with a couple of stogies while the bored prisoners of our conversation (where by the way, I totally schooled Vikrant!) busted out the Wii.

Then it was off to Austin where I managed to meet almost everyone I wanted to see with the exception of Raja who wasn't in town. Trudy's and Hula Hut. Campus. A ring. Comic stores. A starlit night on a wooden deck. Car sale. Thoughtful but more importantly small gifts. A photo viewer and a gift card. Animal Farm. And then the big gifts.

Madhavi offering me the use of her FedEx account number to ship stuff at a huge discount.
Vikrant driving me from downtown to my apt and then to the rental place to get my car.
But the biggest of all, Srujana, after helping me with my boxes in Houston, driving me all over Austin after the sale of my car and getting me some tasty papaya bubble tea before dropping me off at the bus stop.

Of course, it was only fitting that the guys and I ended the weekend by busting each other and by going so, so much over the line. "Remember the line?"